"This was my dysmorphia", The Deconstruction of The Normalized Understanding of Body Image
The ugliness; There are parts of me that contradict myself more than I can explain and more than I want to admit, but I will make things right with myself.
When you asked what you love about yourself why is there almost always silence, shrugs, and avoidance? Why is it bad to adore you, bodies, shapes, and personality traits?To put yourself first because god forbid you are a priority and not just a mess of insecurity. Because of self-love and self-confidence is deemed to be narcissistic and self-absorbed. But no one seems to acknowledge the power and strength it takes to rebel and love yourself. To be raw and real in a society that drills you to be anything but sincere with yourself.
It could be misinterpreted that I take self-portraits out of vain or narcissism because my body of work is heavily self-portraiture; I started self-portraiture to have a better understanding of myself, only for myself. I share my truths and struggles with body image so transparently to the public in hopes that someone realizes they are not alone in their experience and that they can heal from those demons too.
Breaking the disconnect you have when seeing your own reflection is so detrimental to the healing process and the understanding of your body. You have to acknowledge that you are in control of how you treat, understand, care for, and love your body, no one else is responsible. There is no normal way to perceive yourself; standards and expectations should be abolished because it only leads to guilt, comparison, and resentment against your own body.
I remember writing, "It has taken time but I am finally starting to love myself.” that was something I never thought I could say and be sincere. When you spend so many years of your youth in toxic cycles of eating disorders you start to believe there is no way out of the self-destructive thoughts, that if you said that loud could not do so without lying to yourself. But I meant it, every word.
It will take time, it will be hard, but it will be worth it.
Coverage by Alexis Karr
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